How to dissolve judgements and clear your mental clutter
Your judgements and labels, your infatuations and resentments hold power over you, occupying space and time in your mind, influencing your perceptions, decisions and actions and 'run' you from the outside.
Until you can transcend your subjective biases and labels, people on the outside are likely to run your life because anything you infatuate with or resent, anything that you seek or avoid, runs you.
This judgement creates electrical charge in the brain, resulting in ‘noise’, brain fog, and clutters your mind.
This brain fog traps you in the lower mind, weighing you down, and as such, you will be far more likely to be impulsive and instinctual. In this survival mode, you’re extrinsically run by the outer world, seeking and avoiding and easily distracted, instead of mastering your life and taking inner control of your destiny.
Judgment, prejudice and projected labels are more of a reflection of you than of others.
You only resent things in other people that remind you of things inside yourself that you’re too proud to admit you have, and that you're likely ashamed of and dissociating from. You may be too proud to admit it, but you do what you condemn in others.
This is why reflective awareness is one of the most significant things an individual can do or have.
In this state of reflective awareness, when you’re fully conscious, mindful of both sides of others and both sides of yourself, and when you are neither putting people on pedestals or pits, you are most likely to be objective, operate from the executive centre of your brain, and be an inspired magnet to others.
This is also when you will tend not to have any noise in your brain, but instead have a sense of calm, vision, strategy, planning, and self- governance, which helps you maximise your mental potential.
When you can fully comprehend that you have the same traits that you see in others - reflective awareness to all traits that you may perceive to be either negative or positive - you are more able to reflect and relate to those individuals and have a conversation that is objective, respectful and meaningful.
This, of course, enhances communication, understanding, connection and growth.
People tend to want to be around people they feel can be themselves around.
With enhanced communication, connection and respect, your leadership is likely to go up and your social network expand.
It can be extremely liberating to realise that the world on the outside is reflecting you to give you feedback - the challenges are here for you, not against you. These challenges are on the way, not in the way, for creating a life of meaning and fulfilment.
judgements - what are they?
When something or someone is either highly supportive or highly challenging to our own unique value system, we are likely to label it as either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ respectively.
We polarise something that is objectively neutral due to our own perceptions of support and challenge, and then project these misperceptions on to people or events.
We now have a subjective, biased distortion of reality, and as a result judge and label others.
From our judgements and labels, we may experience or display signs of prejudice. We may also exaggerate or minimise other’s behaviour, instead of getting to know the whole individual. We don’t see what is actually there - we only see what is filtered and perceived based on our own values. This prejudice blocks communication, understanding, connection
why do we judge and label?
Almost all the labels, prejudices, and misinformation we have in our society today are the result of the subjective biases based on the perception of either support or challenge to our unique values.
These biases stem from a lower minded amygdala response in the animal part of the brain - the amygdala being activated when we are in survival mode.
When we are in survival mode and acting from the lower minded amygdala, there is an animal impulse toward prey (positive support or ‘good’) and an animal instinct away from predator (negative challenge or ‘bad’).
This judgement response is purely a mechanism for survival, and our impulses and instincts to seek and avoid are today still based on the predator/prey response.
All our judgments are determined by whether we perceive something is supporting (prey) or challenging (predator) our values.
These skewed or subjective bias responses have their place in survival, but not necessarily in day-to-day life when we are wanting to thrive, be inspired, grateful, enthusiastic, certain, present, and poised. We want to act from our executive centre of the brain and thrive, not from the amygdala to just survive.
judgements - the costs
No doubt you have heard someone close to you (or even yourself) describe another person using strong emotions and labels:
"My mother was always strict and never trusting. "
"My father was never there for me. "
“My boyfriend is always so supportive”
"My boss is so critical and finds fault with everything I do. "
"My colleague is lazy yet claims all the credit when our team performs well. "
“My sister is so focused on her appearance. ”
“My partner is always controlling me. ”
“That co-worker is always so sexist."
Can you see that these statements contain broad generalisations that have been projected onto other people and reflect a subjective, biased distortion of what that individual actually perceives is going on?
The statements don’t provide a reasonable, believable and objective truth. These individuals have been judged and labelled.
This selective confirmation bias results in a polarised perception of an objective truth. As long as you are polarised and not seeing people in their true balanced state, you become emotional and will react either to seek or avoid. Their behaviour is dictating your reactions.
As a result, they run you life.
The polarisation of an objectively neutral event creates electrical charge in the brain, resulting in ‘noise', brain fog and distraction.
Your judgment of them creates this brain noise, which occupies space and time in your brain and clutters your mind.
Every time you judge and polarise your perceptions, you develop emotional baggage which is stored in your subconscious mind. As a result, the judgment occupies space and time in your brain and clutters your mind.
You will be far more likely to be impulsive and instinctual and be extrinsically run by the outer world instead of mastering your life and taking inner control of your destiny.
If someone supports your values, you are likely to INFATUATE with them, and tend to be conscious of their upsides but blind to or ignorant of their downsides. You don’t see or appreciate the whole person as they are and any time you infatuate with someone, you put yourself in the pit, minimising yourself and leading to an inauthentic representation of yourself.
If someone challenges your values, you are like to be RESENTFUL of them, and tend to be conscious of their downsides and unconscious of their upsides. You don’t see or appreciate the whole person as they are and any time you resent someone, you tend to exaggerate and pedestal yourself, again leading to an inauthentic representation of yourself.
The polarised perceptions you have on someone will result in you presenting an inauthentic version of yourself.
transcend the tendency to judge and label
Step 1. Fill your day with high priority actions - stay on purpose
If you fill your day with the highest priority actions that are deeply meaningful to you, the blood, glucose and oxygen flows into your forebrain where you are more objective, neutral, resilient, and adaptable.
Instead of being trapped in the survival mentality of the amygdala, run by ‘seek’ and ‘avoid’, you are working from the forebrain, living by what is truly most valuable and meaningful to you and thriving.
Consequently, you are more likely to transcend the labels you project onto people. When we function from our forebrain, we will tend to have reflective awareness. We realize that other human beings are comprised of all traits, just as we are. They are sometimes mean, sometimes kind, sometimes negative, sometime positive. Just like us. We are less likely to judge and label.
Your relationship with others has much to do with how well you can reflect and find what you see in others inside of you.
However, as long as you operate in survival mode, feel threatened by challenge or infatuated by support, and polarise your perceptions as a result, have deflective awareness, you are most likely to be trapped in this labelling prejudice mechanism, and be run by the outside world.
It is wise to fill your day with highest priority actions - steps that will assist you to fulfil your purpose or mission - how well you can see and prioritise your actions and prioritise your perceptions.
Step 2. Awareness of both sides of an individual
If I walked up to you and said to you, "You are always cruel, never kind; always negative, never positive; always stingy, never generous," you would likely shake your head and tell me that I was incorrect. You would also feel that I didn’t really know you.
If I walked up to you and said to you, "You are always kind, never cruel; always positive, never negative; always generous, never stingy," you would likely again, shake your head and tell me that I was incorrect. Again, you would feel that I didn’t know you very well.
However, if I said, "Sometimes you are kind, sometimes you are cruel; sometimes you are positive, sometimes you are negative; sometimes you are generous, sometimes you are stingy" you would likely nod and tell me that I was correct.
There is a certainty of knowing this was true, compared to the projection of a one-sided version of you - there would be a sense of uncertainty, as deep down you would know it wasn’t accurate.
When you are emotional, you tend to exaggerate your subjectively biased state and project your misperceptions and labels onto people - projections that are not necessarily objectively true. You are not honouring the individual as who they truly are. They can’t be one sided – just like you know that you’re not.
It is wise to answer the question: "Where has this individual displayed the exact opposite specific trait, action, or inaction I perceive in them that I admire or despise most?” They have both sides, just like you.
Step 3. Reflective awareness
In subjectively biased situations, what you see in others is actually inside of you - something you are either too proud or too humble to admit. In this case you are not reflecting but are instead deflecting.
Whenever you are polarised in your perceptions and deflect, you tend to create labels about people.
You only resent things in other people that remind you of things inside yourself that you're ashamed of, that you’re too proud to admit you have, and that you're likely dissociating from.
Condemning and resenting traits, actions, or inactions in others reflects aspects within yourself that you are too proud to admit you have and you’re thus actively dissociating from owning what you see in them. This false pride blocks you from seeing the very behaviours you condemn in others inside yourself.
Life has a way of reflecting the hidden aspects you attempt to suppress and repress - your
When you can fully comprehend that you have the same traits that you see in others, when you have reflective awareness - to those traits that you may perceive to be negative and those you may perceive to be positive - you are more able to reflect and relate to those individuals and have a conversation that is both objective and meaningful.
Reflective awareness enhances communication, understanding, connection, and growth.
It is wise to answer the question: "What specific trait, action, or inaction do I perceive in them that I admire or despise most, and where do I perceive it in me?"
Step 4. Gratitude
There are two types of gratitude. Superficial gratitude, easily triggered by moments of support, finds its roots in the amygdala, the part of our brain associated with the survival instincts of seek and avoid, and a deeper form of gratitude, one that arises when we acknowledge the synchronous dualities of life, when we hold both support and challenge in equilibrium and can see how both serve.
True gratitude results in blood, glucose and oxygen going into the forebrain, which activates the executive centre, where you tend to think and act before you react. This greater objectivity results in a decreased probability in judgement and leads to more self-governed behaviour.
The superficial gratitude, triggered by moments of support, results in reacting and responding impulsively and instinctually - our reactions are driven by our lopsided perceptions, judgements, expectations, and emotions.
As a result of deep gratitude, we are likely to become liberated from the emotions of a judgemental state, entering a neutral state where we can simultaneously see and feel deeply grateful for both sides.
This activates a state of mind we were can be fully informed, stay mindful, and see both sides.
We find power in neutrality and objectivity, are proactive rather than reactive, and it lifts us above the superficial and a focus on survival, into a deeper gratitude and a focus on thrival.
True or deep gratitude is about transcending the need for constant praise and support and not being wounded by challenge and criticism.
We tend not to label and judge others from this state. In the pursuit of deep gratitude, you can free yourself from the emotional rollercoaster of infatuation and resentment. You can learn to see both sides of every experience simultaneously, and in doing so, take control of your own life. The external world has less probability of controlling you.
Looking at the individual you resent, it is wise to answer the question: "What are the upsides, advantages and benefits to me of them demonstrating this action? Looking at the individual with whom you infatuate it is wise to answer the question: "What are the downsides, disadvantages and costs to me of them demonstrating this action?
In this way we can access deep gratitude for life as it is and act from our hearts, entering into a state of thrival, and not be run by the outside world. We becomes masters of our destiny.
UNTIL YOU CAN TRANSCEND YOUR SUBJECTIVE BIASES AND LABELS, PEOPLE ON THE OUTSIDE ARE
LIKELY TO RUN YOUR LIFE.
ANYTHING YOU INFATUATE WITH OR RESENT, ANYTHING THAT YOU SEEK OR AVOID, RUNS YOU.
Once you get to an objective and balanced state where you are no longer polarised, YOU run your life. And, when you run your life, you are less likely to create and project labels and more likely to become master of your destiny.
If you would like to dissolve judgements and labels, reclaim your brain space, maximise your potential and master your destiny, book a complimentary 20 minute chat with me to find
out how I can assist.